So you thought you were going to get something lurid, were you? Well, sorry. My thoughts are boring.
I am feeling rather restless right now.
I do feel like writing but just barely.
I wish I could focus on just one thing.
Q: What is preventing you from choosing just one thing?
A: I can’t forget graphic design and how the visual work makes me feel.
So don’t forget it. Do it. Spend your time obsessively trying to get better at it!
I know, I know. I just feel so pulled apart sometimes. I just don’t have enough time to do either one alone. Writing I am getting to do. That is the only thing. 2,000 words a day. But reading I am not getting to do. Graphic design work I am not getting to do. It is horrible. It is not turning out as I would like at all. Should I just give up on graphic design or what?
I have to turn this into a Q&A format in order to get it right.
Shoe – So you feel you are stretched too thin to do graphic design at all?
Suze – Absolutely. I socialize on the weekends. I want to watch youtube videos when I have free time. I have music I want to discover – I just don’t have enough time to do graphic design. Every time I do it, I love it though. I love it to pieces.
Shoe – Combine it!
Suze – You’re right. Combine it. This is so painful! I really do wish I could do just writing and not have to worry about graphic design anymore!
Shoe – Why not just choose that?
Suze – Because I know that the next time I am assigned something graphic design-ish, I will want to do graphic design all over again.
Shoe – Well, why not leave it open then? Just focus on doing the work rather than sitting here agonizing over whether to do it or not do it or what?
Shoe – Maybe you like being in the middle of all this. Maybe you get some kind of kick out of being conflicted that you are not aware of. Maybe you like that even more than the activities of graphic design and writing itself.
Suze – You do have a point there, Shoe. I remember once resolving it for myself, at least temporarily, and I thought that I would miss the conflict the next day, that there would be something boring about just doing graphic design work. Plus there are so many people who are so talented and who have drive. Who have big drive.
Shoe – What would you like to do now?
Suze – Write. Get involved and write about things that are complicated and interesting. Be interested in things that others are interested in. Write about things that are fascinating and wonderful and new. To always be passionately involved in something. Graphic design is great and I love the activity but the reality of it is that I rarely really get around to doing anything really that spectacular. I am not that kind of thinker I don’t think. The fact that I was able to spit out a little bit doesn’t mean that much, I don’t think. It’d be a really cool job but I don’t know. I have this dream to work out of this red doored shop where all these other cool designers work but I don’t think that this is going to be a reality. Reality.
Shoe – Could you, do you think go for both writing and design?
Suze – I think I have been trying for the last 4 years and where has it gotten me? It has gotten me a blog full of writing about graphic design and writing and not even at a really strong analytical level for the most part. I’d like to give up on graphic design, finally and just pursue writing, alas.
Shoe – Alas!
