I just read over a number of my old posts on writing.
And you know what? I didn’t have very much of a conclusion at all after reading them.
Well, there are a few things I can see now that I couldn’t see then. First, inspiration can be a tricky thing. I didn’t need to push so hard when there was genuinely nothing to say. Go for a walk, read some books, do something different if writing is not working for you. That would be my advice to myself of past. The fact that I wasn’t inspired 100% of the time did not mean that writing was not for me. I always come back to it. I always do.
Second, I hadn’t delved as deeply into writing as at least I have started delving more recently. Writing 2,000 words a day and having a time of day carved out for writing has helped in this regard. I haven’t done a whole lot just yet. One story down and one story started. What I have tasted though so far has been wonderful. Very rich and very cool.
Here is some Q&A on this writing vs. graphic design thing:
Q: Why is it so crucial that you figure out whether you want to do one thing or another?
A: I want to do well at whatever I put my mind to. I don’t want to waffle. I have been waffling forever. I am glad that at least I have been writing some and reading some. I just want to take whatever it is I am doing to the next level. But yeah, the reason why it is so important to figure out what my career trajectory is is that I want so much to be competent at something in the end.
Q: Why is being competent so important?
A: It just is.
Q: Why?
A: I don’t want to be like my mother, who goes from thing to thing, not being really good at any one thing, always having potential but never manifesting that potential to great effect. I have been told at a number of points in my life that I have a lot of potential. I want to take my potential to the next level. I want to be in a community. I want to take part in life by being competent and passionate about what I do.
Q: Tell me about community.
A: I think it is the most important thing. I have been seeking it for a long time. And one way of meeting people and “gelling” with people is to be good at what you do. This is the geek in me who doesn’t have many social cards to play but knows that a meeting of like minds will lead to great interactions.
Q: Why do you find it so difficult to choose between graphic design and writing?
A: That’s a good question. They’re like two both excellent lovers. They love in different ways. From graphic design, I get a deep high from doing the work. I love thinking about how something should go where. I love the process of problem-solving during design. I love selecting the images. I love choosing the colours. I love the thinking that goes into it. It’s a real high.
From writing I get freedom. I get to do what every person craves in social interaction – to tell their story, their way to a listener that is absolutely fascinated (the blank page). I love thinking. But moreso with writing what I love so much about it is… well, the idea of getting somewhere with it. Writing is something that comes easily to me. I don’t mean in terms of talent or skill but it’s something I can do copious amounts of for one reason or another. And I don’t love it all the time but I love it most of the time and then sometimes it’s addictive. It’s intellectual…
Q: What are your thoughts now?
A: I feel absolutely conflicted. I feel absolutely conflicted. On the one hand I feel unilaterally, unambiguously in love with the process of graphic design. On the other, I love writing and find myself doing it all the time but somehow my weakness in my description of how I like it doesn’t seem to be up to scratch, in comparison to my description of graphic design.
Q: Last, you were pursuing both, is that right?
A: Yes. Yes, it seems I have no choice in the matter. I can’t just do one or the other.
Q: It seems like you have fallen back on having to choose.
A: Yes, it seems I have. It’s just that every time I fall in love with writing again, I feel like I need to spend all my time to focus on that activity and nothing else.
Q: Do you think this is necessary that you choose one and one only?
A: I just feel like I would get further if I just chose one.
Q: Has it worked in the past?
A: No. Writing is a given, regardless. I am never going to give up writing. And the only way I am ever going to stop wanting to pursue graphic design is if I cut off all possible graphic design-y activities. Cause I am telling you, EVERY TIME I do something remotely visual in a collage like setting, in a project setting, the feeling is so overwhelming that I feel I MUST pursue graphic design as a career. It is unambiguous. It is VERY clear.
Q: Would it be fair to say, then, that you feel you have no choice in the matter?
A: Yes, absolutely. I either give up writing or I forget and ignore a feeling that can’t be ignored. There’s no choice in this matter. Choicelessness. How beautiful.
Q: So what is your plan from here on forward?
A: Take more action. I have already started with writing by writing 2,000 words a day and starting in again on reading, which I think I needed the break from for awhile after having forced myself in 2009 (It seems writing I can force with no trouble but forced reading can lead to serious repulsion). I need to do more work in the domain of the visual stuff. Maybe I can set it up like projects. Just start. Just start setting aside an hour a day where I can just focus on increasing my visual design skills. Work on my projects. Like a recent entry said:
- 1 piece a week writing
- 1 book a week
- 1 piece a week visual
- Discover 1 artist/graphic designer a week
Q: So your journey seems clear. Any last thoughts?
A: It seems very clear that I have no choice in this matter. The part that sticks with me is that writing is a given and graphic design I can’t forget. I am very excited about my journey ahead. I can’t wait to start mastering photoshop and illustrator and getting visual work out there and writing up stories and expressing myself and getting over my phobias. I am really excited!
